To Thine Own Self Be True

Today i sit here at my little desk looking out my window recovering from a hellish sleep of coughing all night.....summer colds...my head is foggy but my coffee is good.....

Im about to hand in my keys to my studio and close the door on a very important chapter in my life. In some ways nothing will have changed. My friends will still be in their studios doing whatever it is they do...we'll get together as usual, afternoon coffee or have a party, be crazy, those kinds of things. Ill work on a new art plan and be productive, finding a new groove and discovering new things about myself. But emotionally, all the ways that people cant know, there is a tornado inside of me. It's taking all my effort to stay present. I feel like im in emotional mud. Thick, slow and heavy. This is probably why im sick. My immune system can only take so much......

So its going to be a week of reflection. Slow myself down. Take as much time as i need to gently move through these emotions of letting go and moving forward. This move from the studio has been much harder than i anticipated. I need to really honour this process im in the thick of. Because heres the thing, if i don't, my emotions will pile up and get all muddled with each other and i wont know what i need. Emotional chaos......Im not good with that.

Im not going to wait till tomorrow when it's "more convenient" to be with myself or take some time to reflect.  Tomorrow is tomorrow. Im in the present. If i can rearrange my day to gently move through this process then i will. These are important steps. Im also going to rearrange my week to so i can have more time to reflect and be still. Im can be an extreme introvert at times. This is one of those times. If people get upset at me for not coming to "their whatever" then so be it. There probably extraverts and dont get the need for down time and recharging. And nobody is in my head but me. So i need to make sure im communicating what i need. 

So moral of todays story.....to thine own self be true.....be true to yourself, follow your intuition, and communicate your needs to whoever you need to. If people dont support you, develop a  "fuck em" attitude. Its your life, live it exactly how you want.