EGO

Something that comes up regularly for me is lifestyle. It's a battle that comes and goes and i need to have regular talks with myself. Especially at my age im noticing so many people who are in good positions in their career and are now making really good money. Theres talk about the cost of the deck to be replaced, the last holiday, or some other cost.....im always surprised at how expensive lifestyle is. 

I try to stay away from lifestyle, its too expensive. Dont get me wrong, going out for dinner is fun, wearing really nice clothes feels good.....but its all just too much for me sometimes. My life is so simple when i compare it to most others.  

The problem with lifestyle for a creative person is it takes away from the creative. Sounds weird but what i mean is if i put energy into a lifestyle then that energy isnt going to my art. If my energy isnt going to my art then im not really an artist......its kinda simple. I guess if i came from money things would be different. Then i could pay for a fancier lifestyle. I wonder if i would....probably a little, lets be honest. But i came from blue collar, uneducated stock. I was the first person in my family to graduate high school. Sad but true. But my father did receive an art scholarship if he was to continue with school....he didnt but i got his genes :) 

Maybe its because im somewhat of an introvert as well but i dont feel like i have the energy to live a certain lifestyle. I can't paint, do my arty things and then at the end of the day put a lot of energy into yard work, or running a marathon or training for something. Lifestyle is a lot of work.

I guess at the end of the day i do have a lifestyle. Its just incredibly simple. I try in everything i do to look for the 80/20 rule. How do i expand the least amount of energy to get the most out of "x". Whatever x is. I have to keep my EGO in check to make sure im not going in the wrong direction. Which can happen really easily. I live this crazy simple efficient life so i can put the most energy into creating....i sacrifice a certain lifestyle so that i can create.....i dont know why i have this drive and desire that runs so deep, but i do. How i see it, when im on my death bed, i want to think "im so happy i became the artist i dreamed of" I didnt delude myself or follow my EGO in thinking that lifestyle was more important than my dream. 

I think its a good question to always ask oneself, "am i doing this because i really feel a drive or need or am i doing this because i want to live a certain lifestyle." If you dont care, you dont care, but as a deep thinker i care. I want to constantly be on the path of my dream regardless of what my EGO wants.