Grapes of Wrath

While working on his novel. the writer confessed in his journal: "no one else knows my lack of ability the way I work is no good....I'm desperately upset about isn't the great book I had hoped it would be. It's just a run-of-the-mill book. And the awful thing is that it is absolutely the best I can do."  The writer was John Steinbeck, writing about his novel the Grapes of Wrath.

It seems these days that im painting a lot of pieces that are very challenging. Technically in every way. From colour theory to depth, balance, doesn't seem to matter, every piece im working on these days is incredibly challenging. But I've also had a huge jump in the last couple years of my work. Ive become the artist ive always wanted to be. I can paint the figure either realistically or abstract, landscapes and pure abstract expressionism. 80% of the work im doing is successful. A great goal to have reached......but heres a little secret....i go threw at least half of the time wondering if im any good....yup....its very stressful . I wonder if i should even be an artist sometimes....."this sucks! Should i paint over it? OMG", "The last painting i did was amazing what happened to this one", on and on...

Something I've finally learned to do really well, finally, is to just move forward. Keep going...."yup i may suck but im finishing this fucking painting!!!! " I now know that in challenging pieces, there is a period, somewhere after the half way mark, that becomes very difficult. And its always over the half way mark so it feels too late to throw in the towel.... But Its because im learning something important. And if i dont push through then i wont move forward, progress, or learn to get to the next level. Of  course once i hit that next level and plateau the whole process starts all over again. But thats the point!! I love learning and ive never been happy with stagnation. 

So my point to this little secret is...when things get tough or difficult, keep going. The answer comes from the push not the outcome. Not every painting or situation turns out but push yourself threw the uncomfortable situation anyways. Learn and evolve. We get nowhere in life by being comfortable for very long. Doesn't happen, not throw that myth out and learn to be uncomfortable. Having a fulfilling passionate life doesn't come with ease and comfort. It comes from being uncomfortable and learning to be remarkable within that challenge.