Stop. Listen.

It seems to have been a tough week for concentration for many people. A friend of mine said it was mars in retrograde or something....hmm...maybe....but honestly, for me the bottom line is, I've been struggling with trust. 

I wish trust came in a neat little package with a bow and box of chocolates. I’m not talking about basic trusts like "we've been friends for a long time and i trust you", I’m talking about trusting in myself. Trusting that the universe has my best interest in mind and i will be fine no matter what. Even if things don't feel like they are going the way i had planned.....

Im finding myself feeling quite alone these days. Since my parents had passed ( its been 2 years this july ) There seems to be this strange aloneness that doesn't really make sense. Perhaps it does to other people who’s parents are now gone. And maybe ill catch up to the feeling, but since their passing I've had this strange deep sense of being alone. Which has made me re-evaluate my relationship with god or the universe or what ever you believe in. ( im not religious, FYI, but i do like what some of religious messages have to say ). Its not a negative feeling, on the contrary, its deepening my relationship to myself and the universe or "my god". But its sometimes not easy...

I went through a huge depression a year after my mom died. It didnt help that Calgary had one of the coldest winters on record....but it felt like any roots i had were ripped up and out and i was in a constant state of flux....that has changed as I've rebuilt my world. It now only creeps in when im feeling vulnerable.....like this past week. But it does still take me off guard. What do i do? Well....usually i flail about like an unfocused ADD 5 year old...then after not enjoying that feeling after a few days....i stop. Just stop. Sit and wait. Breath. And wait. Eventually i get to the place of "oh ya, this old feeling". I remember you...

Time to regroup and remember my strategies. "Whats goin on lisa?" Its sometimes hard to figure out, a chicken and egg issue. Am i being triggered by sadness, or mars... But it doesnt matter. All i have to do is stop and sit back and listen. Wait for that feeling to appear. No words, no rules, silence until the calm comes back and the trust creeps back in. "Oh ya, im not alone, im connected to everyone and everyone is connected to me. Its fine, im fine...." 

So...trust yourself, in your process and in your being. We are all human, we all go through tough stuff. Doesnt matter who you are, shit happens. Just remember to breath and sit still. Let the calmness come to you. Your character is revealed in how you handle the hard stuff, not the easy stuff. Build good habits. Remember the silence and that trying sometimes is the wrong strategy. Learn to wait and be patient. The universe will answer, she always does....we just have to remember to listen.